....

i feel sick. i want to throw up.
i am not sure how that is possible.
there is nothing in me.
i didnt know if i could get out of bed.
it hurt that bad. i did.
today will suck. today will be annoying.
i am not looking forward from time 8:30-10:00
there is no compassion. just irritating comments, remarks.
nagging.

i think i do what you said.
about the poetry.
i think ill try and find something.
i wish you would have given me titles.
i am unsure of where to begin.

and your phone call was welcomed.
very much appreciated.
i am sorry for your feelings.
the ones in wish you felt to call.
i do not intend to put those feelings into your hearts.

my throat hurts.
i am nervous to see if water helps.
or if it makes me want to vomit faster.

i didnt 'get ready'
im too tired.


that debris that has been moved.
you know. i was doing a little better.
i was able not to think about things.
well i just took 20 steps back.

and i will continue to be repulsed.
by the thoughts in my head.
its not about what you said.
its all about what you said.
and in the middle of your words.
i had been pronounced dead.
my lungs are still working.
but that is irrelevant.

so ill take your prescriptions.
and do my best to swallow.
ill take what i can get.

deep gratitude to those who remain constant. always.
you are my rocks. you keep me standing.

ill try to drink...