free flow.

i want to write. thoughts about what it is i should write.
have left me empty. thoughtless. a dead end.
when i try i can not. and when i go. have faith in my fingertips.
in my heart. i can. so maybe it is time to put things into perspective.
take what i learn from one incident. and apply them to others.
twist around the actualities. change the subjects.
continue playing the game. maybe if i stop overthinking. or even thinking about it at all.
i will succeed in this long decscending hell....

i may come out alive. i might even be better off. because when i have faith in my heart. i produce what is being spilled out. no control over what it is that is coming. it just is. and i lay it out neatly.
or angrily. or freely. whichever the case, it comes.

flood gates and secret passcodes.
nothing to hold me back now. i am free.
i am faithful. i will read your word. and soak it up. i will speak and listen. hear. and make noise.
i am silenced. i am shaken.

i am alive in you. i am not my own.
i am what it is i am. and that i have no control.

i wonder if shes wondering what im typing. what im doing over here.

write it down. thats what you told me. it makes sense.
i dont know why i havent before. i mean i have.but i had stopped for awhile.
and now i keep going faster and faster. hurrying to get it all down.

its only been maybe five minutes and my fingers are tired.
i have wanted to just hug you and weep. for countless days.
thank you for allowing that.

i want to go home. please take me home.

within the silence in the kitchen. only a foot of space between.
my eyes lowered. i wanted to tell you i knew what you were thinking. i was thinking it too.

i hope that it will be someday soon.