underlying.

the best is all i want for you.
to be happy. to succeed. to move forward.
a goofy smile crosses over my face.
my heart is lit up. i feel full.
i feel complete.
and i tell myself. i knew he could do it.
i always knew it.

proud of you.
it warms my heart. watching you.


i prayed to you. with tears dripping onto my knees.
shaking at the alter. desperately seeking your voice.
i never know if i hear you anymore.
i dont know. so i wait. and i wait.
and i keep seeking. keep stretching my arm
hoping you can grab a hold.

beneath these sturdy bones. lies an empty heart.
its missing pieces and parts. and it too is seeking
the lost and broken.

what if something happens. and i couldnt tell you.
and i didnt tell you. what if something happens,
and you didnt know. im terrified of that.
i hate that i can not share this with you.
it is for you, but you can not have it.

"we should have snuck away.
the two of us. to share some love.
the way we used to do" -

shut eyes. silent weeps.