cease.

i dont view it as changing. i am simply growing. learning, and making changes in my life. there has to be a time. a point. where it is appropriate and necessary to stop returning to the past. that isnt always a bad thing. but with you it is. you have to understand that this is your causing. your decisions. your actions. your patterns. your thoughts. your words. i didnt do this. its because of what you have done that i must do what i am doing. i am not being irrational. selfish. or ignorant. i am not opposed to the idea. i am not against it completely. but i am not going in holding my breath. im not going to hope for the best. i dont have to. i can simply receive the best. if presented and offered. you are naive.
plain and simple.
i am growing. you may join if you would like. i need you in my life. apparent or not. right now is rough. its going to be. it has to be. it has to be completely torn down before you can build back up. before it can be the best it can be. i am sorry for that. please understand that now has to be about me. i must focus on myself. i must love myself now. i must take care of myself. and treat myself the way i love to treat you. its been about you for so long, that now i need it to be about me.
that doesnt mean i am done. temporarily yes. long term no.
please be patient. please understand. please hear what i am saying.
not what you claim to be seeing.

i told you 'always'. i continue to mean that.
this is not easy. but i am okay. i am going to be okay.
i have to be. its the only way to make it out alive.
i dont need good. i just need okay...

thats all ill be without you anyway.