exhale.

the words spoken from these lips.
i dont know if one day i will regret what i said.
but i know i mean them now. i mean every single one.
because in my mind. you dont deserve happiness.
you dont deserve any good. you do deserve your life to be hell.

i mean that. do not tell me i dont.
i do. i did not deserve for you to be an asshole to me.
i did not deserve any of it. but for you to speak to me
as if i did something to you. how dare you.
the audacity. you have no place.

i think you forgot. you always forgot.
that i love you. and would have done anything for you.


i still cant attach the ed. even though i want nothing to
do with you for the rest of my life.
i cant. not yet. that i can not lie to myself about.
dont get me wrong. i meant what i said. and maybe because i meant it.
it is time to put an ed..

day lillies. and fern leaves.
drawn upon our maple tree.

god why? why everything?
i want to not be mad at you.
but for the first time. this time.
i just felt anger.

why dont i get anything good.
why did i get hell.
i dont want to cry.
i dont want to feel.
i dont want to breathe.

but i dont get what i want.
not this time around.
i have no choice.


its all because of you. i hope that makes you feel good.