home.

sitting. sandwiched between family members that weren't my own. shoulder to shoulder. thigh to thigh. i thought how not uncomfortable it was. to others, they probably thought it may have been uncomfortable. it wasnt. it was perfectly fine. it was where i belong. it feels where i belong. we shared the same happiness. the same sense of pride. we were proud. we all anticipated the same moments. we all shared the same smiles. and even though we are not one. they didnt feel like anything but family. pointing you out so she could see. it felt fine.

then to think of all that will not occur. its heavy. the pain it causes. longing for what wont ever come. because that is the formula for this relation. whats true does not matter, not this time. its what 'cant' that will win. its what 'cant' that will destroy the truth. and when i decide its time. when i decide i have to. i will fight. i will fight with every fiber of my being. i will give it all to win. because if this truth never turns fiction. i will not sit by and let it walk away.

keep holding tightly. closely.
keep lighting up so i will light too.
and i will fight back the misery.

it was home.